Countdown 4 weeks

Shit shit shit. Why am I going on this trip anyway? Everyone I talk to is "so jealous" about my trip. So now I feel this obligation to have the "trip of a lifetime" just so I don't dissapoint them. But, I don't even know the real reasons for doing this. Sure, I've always wanted to do something like this, but in a very vague, general way. Now that it's actually going to happen, I really feel like I should have more concrete reasons for picking up and leaving for a year. Ok, so let me try to figure it out:
1. Travelling educates, broadens the mind, frees one from prejudices, helps one to discover oneself, bla bla bla. Still very vague, simplistic, and perhaps naive reasons really. Some other reasons I've said to people, for lack of a real answer; 2. To see if I want to be a travel photographer. 3. To shoot stock images. 4. To perhaps have a show/book of my photographs when I return. What I haven't said is that I just don't know my real reasons. One of the unspoken reasons for going is to try to get over Robin, my girlfriend of 5 years, who dumped me last January. Is that reason enough? The other unspoken reason is that I just feel a little lost right now. I need to shake things up. My "career" as a photographer has always been a bit lackluster, to be honest. I feel a little directionless. Perhaps I need to push myself into taking better photos by going out into the world with nothing to hide behind but my camera. The other reason is that I feel like it's now or never. I'm coming up on 38 now. I don't have a house or kids. I haven't had a "real job" in over a decade. If I want to take off for a year, and not have those troublesome responsibilites of mortgage, children, or job, I better do it now before I acquire any of them. Perhaps these are all just excuses. Perhaps I'll find the real reason once I am out there. In any case, right now all I am thinking about is what I am giving up. My place, my cat, and perhaps mostly, Catherine. I miss her already and she's not even gone yet. Why did I fall in love? It was supposed to be a simple summer romance. The only reconciliation is that she would be leaving whether I went on this trip or not. She is going off to work on a cruise ship for 6 months, perhaps longer. I would only be miserable if I stayed here. So off I go. I need to stop trying to find reasons to regret it and just GO GO GO.

Last Photo Test

I shot a test with two models yesterday. Shari Noble did the styling and Katie Maco did the hair & make up. We shot at Jive Time Records on Pine St. It was great fun! Everyone; the models, the parents, the people at Jive Time, everyone, was so nice. God that helps. I still haven't looked at all the photos. But here's one.... (Click on the photo to see it bigger.)

5 Weeks and counting

The anxiety is racheting up now that the weeks until liftoff can be counted on one hand. I don't feel so freaked out, but I'm not sleeping so well, my stomach burns when I eat, and my dentist says I'm grinding my teeth. Great. My biggest worry on this trip has nothing to do with the trip at all. I worry that something might happen to my buddy Grover. I love that cat too much. He's 14 now, and I just wouldn't be able to deal if he, gulp, died while I was on my trip. I hope the new subletter treats him like the little spoiled prince that he is. I should perhaps mention the subletter. Her name is Ahsha. I found her via craigslist and decided she was the one after talking to her for about 30 minutes when she came over. She seems very responsible, smart, and good with Grover. I'll be seeing her again on the 2nd of Sept to go over more stuff. So much to do. I've just got to keep it together.